Saturday, February 2, 2008

Beginnings

It's the beginning of a new month. For those of you who know us, this is always the hardest part. Once we get through the first few days, past the 4th and 5th of the month, things will be just fine, but getting past it is like walking on shaky ground. You never know what will bear the weight of sorrow and what will give way. Will it be thinking about the new teeth Burke would have cut? The smell of Dreft? The crying baby sitting forlorn and wailing in his stroller, his mama insisting he just stop crying 'cause it's drivin' her crazy? After all, shopping for Danielle Steele novels in the clearance bin is more important. I guess we'll just wait and see.

The footing seems firmer this month with the reassurance of pokes and wiggles from the baby in my belly. We had an ultrasound this week and everything checked out ok... or at least from the small glimpses the technician could catch. Just as I thought, this kiddo, like Burke is ABSOLUTELY NO FAN of the ultrasound. She managed to capture a fleeting picture of a foot before the babe flipped away from the wand. Every time she got close, the babe would shift away, rolling around and making me a little queasy. So, no pretty profiles, just a couple more of the baby's head as he or she waved those little hands in protest before lodging down by my bladder. And the fleeting foot.

On another note of hope and healing, my mama decided to sponsor a group of embroiderers in need through KIVA in Burke's name. They offer small micro-loans to people in developing regions to better their lives. When the small loan is repaid, she will take the money and find another group of crafters in need to help. Burke comes from crafty people on both sides of his family. From home builders and designers, woodworkers, quilters, knitters, engineers, jewelers, we have always worked with our hands. What better way to honor someone, allowing them to live on, than supporting someone trying to make a living doing the same thing?

Sigh. Just one step at a time through these tricky emotions. Focus on the now, be in love and be present each day, even if only for a moment. Every day I walk is an opportunity to remind myself: Peace is Every Step.

2 comments:

amanda. said...

your strength is such a peaceful one.

RevPolymer said...

Paula here...

First... what amanda said... yes.

second... KIVA is amazing and I think it so grand that there is a loan in Burke's name, pretty sweet.

third... your monthly knitting projects wow me... they are so cute! love it.

fourth... your house is looking amazing. what a load of work paying off! too cool.

hope you don't mind me peeking in your world...