Thirteen Months

Dear Bennett,

You are thirteen months old today. You are officially walking and it's awesome to see. You strut around the house, so proud of your accomplishments, each foot firmly placed in front of the other, without a lot of wobble.

You're drinking from big kid cups and eating lots of big kid foods. Hummus is awesome! You're loving all the berries you can get your hands on: raspberries, blueberries, blackberries... you think they are all delicious. You also tried ice cream for the first time. Yum!

Your molars are working their way to the surface, too. That means lots of sleepless nights, tylenol, motrin, and icy anything.

You are still in love with cars, and continually push anything around the house and yard, making brrrrrrrrr noises. And you love to "help" in the garden. Time continually seems short these days. I remember the days feeling endless last summer. They were these deliciously long stretches, marked by nursing jags and walks to the library, but it seems that the longer the days get this year, the less time we get to spend together as a family. You are growing so fast I know we are going to have to make a bigger effort to keep from missing out.

So, watch for more posts this month... and more hugs and snuggles, my soon-to-be toddler.

I love you bunches,
Mama.

8 months

Dear Bennett,

You are 8 months old today, and I just realized that the day is almost over. Time seems to fly now that you are starting to crawl and growl and scream and eat everything in sight. I have one word to describe you right now: BUSYBUSYBUSYBUSY!!!

Your new favorite food is avocado! D at Los Panchos is proud of that.

You've got a funny side that giggles when people burp or say "poop," and you are ticklish around your armpits and ears. Lord help you now that everyone knows this about you. Poppy has realized that you have the same temperament as me towards tickling: it's fun for about 30 seconds, then it's just an invasion of personal space and becomes incredibly annoying.

Sadly, I have no time to finish this tonight. There are diapers to throw in the dryer and an order of shoes to finish while you are sleeping. I just couldn't let the day pass without telling you what an incredible little guy you are growing into.

I'll finish later.

Love you bunches,

your mamma.

7 months

Dear Bennett,

You are now 7 months old. It's hard to think that you've passed the half-year mark; before I know it you'll be wrists-deep in birthday cake and running around the back yard. We went up to Young's, where we held the memorial service for your brother, to look at the animals in the nativity display they have every year and you got to see your first sheep and even a couple of donkeys. Your attention span is increasing and you were fascinated for several minutes by them! Next year we will remember to take some carrot and apple bits.
Speaking of carrots and apples, you are experimenting with more food. So far you've tried sweet potatoes, carrots, pears, apples, and peas. Peas are the running favorite at the moment!

You are learning to work within the confines of the force of gravity: If a toy falls just outside your grasp while you're sitting up you've learned to shift your balance to your other leg/apply counter pressure with the opposite arm to avoid biffing out. You are not quite crawling yet, though you can get onto your belly and try very hard. You push off towards what you want but inevitably move further and further away. I know it's frustrating, but you will get the hang of it soon, I promise! Hang in there!You've been sick quite a bit, but luckily you were good and healthy for Christmas! We made the trek to see the BigK's and you handled the journey like a champ. I'm so glad you slept most of the way. You discovered the best seat in the house is with your Grandpa. You also got to see many of the extended family that loves you very much along with your aunt and uncle. They LOVE spending time with you!

Santa brought some cool toys, your favorite is a rubber giraffe named Sophie. When you unwrapped it you began cooing and haven't stopped chewing on her squeaky little legs and ears. I'm going to have to make a leash for her so she doesn't get lost. You also dig the tag ball uncle S got for you, the talking book Oma J and R sent, and the Curious George book Grandma and Grandpa K will be great to read to you next year. Overall you ended up with loads of awesome loot!
You continue to make awesome noises, some of which sound like words. Awooo and hammm are two common ones. You are also starting to reach for me and Poppy if you want to be held. You lift your little pudgy arms and "ga-hmmm!" We then know it's time for some snuggles.

We're all beginning to see more of your personality. You are quick to smile and slow to complain; unless you're feeling crummy, but everyone needs extra when they are sick.

Well, baby, welcome to 2009. We are excited to see all of the big changes in store for you this year!!!

Love you bunches and bunches...

yours,
Mamma.

6 months

Dear Bennett,
You are six whole months old today! You are growing like mad and no longer fit into anything but your 12-month clothes. Poppy has taken to calling you his "Spi-see Meet-a-ball!!!" in a horrible Chef Boy Ar-Dee accent. It's true, though. You are growing to be a righteous little pudge. You are sitting up all on your own, rolling over with limited success, and getting ready for big movement (crawling!) at any moment. And you are so tall!!! Where did you get this from? Not us.Although you still enjoy playing "little baby" and getting wrapped up like a burrito, which is nice. We can still pretend that you're our little baby. Until our arms get tired.

You've had lots of visitors this month from Oma Joyce and RR at the beginning of the month to Grandma and Grandpa K, Aunt A, and Uncle S over the Thanksgiving weekend. Even Opa S and J came down for dinner.

You've been struggling with the discomforts of your first tooth and it finally broke through the gum. It's sharp like a dull piece of glass--the first time I felt it I was really surprised. No wonder you weren't sleeping well and were so cranky! It couldn't have been very comfortable coming through the skin in your mouth.

And how did we celebrate? By offering you your first solids on Thanksgiving! The verdict? Rice cereal is pretty tasty. You've had it every day since and show no signs of wanting to go back. Next on the roster is a bit of banana and I'm sure it will be met with the same enthusiasm. Well, it's a little late right now, so I'll sign off for today... where is this time going?

Right now all you know is it's bedtime and time to nurse and snuggle and drift off to sleep while dreaming of all the big things yet to come.

I love you so much!

Yours,
Mamma.

5 months

Dear Bennett,

You are five whole months old today and weigh more than 20 pounds. Yes! It's true! You are in the 99th percentile for height as well! Who knew you'd only fit into six month clothes for a couple of weeks? You are growing so fast.

You are getting a lot more coordinated every day and it is really exciting! You sometimes wake up in the middle of the night eager to practice all your developing skills, like sitting up, finding your thumbs and feet... every day you are getting more proficient in these gross motor skills!

Halloween was a good time for you. We sat out on the front porch and you got to watch all the kids come up the walk in their costumes to trick or treat. It seemed like you didn't know what to make of some of the outfits, but still found them all fascinating. Your bedtime keeps creeping up earlier and earlier as the sun goes down sooner and sooner. Good naps are still a rarity, but I'm sure things will even out eventually.

We have gotten more belly laughs from you this past month. Especially when Poppy plays with you, leaning in close and blowing raspberries on your belly.

We bought you a little excersaucer and you LOVE it to pieces. It bounces a little and you press up with your little chubby turkey legs and then let go again and again and again, shrieking with glee! Your favorite toy was the spinning monkey at first, but now it's the soft elephant and letter E you can grab and chew on.The weather has been getting colder over the past couple of weeks. This week looks like it will be an Indian Summer so we will get a little more wear out of your short-sleeve outfits, then it's on to the great sweaters you've received and long pants. We bought you a heavy winter coat today, so let's hope it still fits you in January!

Here's to another big month of changes and growth! I'm sure I'll add more later, but I'll end this for now just in case you wake up.

I love you more every day!!!

Yours,
Mamma

4 months

Dear Bennett,

You are four months old today. It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm finally able to sneak away and write. Oh, and throw your diapers in the dryer. Since I started back to work you've been capitalizing on the Mamma-time at night to make up for not spending our days together. That's fine with me because I miss you all day, too. Getting started with the sitter was pretty rough, mostly because you want nothing to do with a bottle. And there was that jealous 18-month old that bit you on the nose. Not a good start.

We have figured that you are just no fan of plastic in your mouth, and I can't say I blame you. You don't even like rubber teethers. Luckily Poppy and you are figuring out about cup feeding, so we are just moving on from there. It's messy, but at least you are eating for your sitter and Poppy when I'm not around.

You are still learning about those hands of yours, and are now sucking on your fingers whenever you get the chance. And chewing on other people's fingers when they get close enough. I can see a little white sliver of tooth under the skin, so I know you'll be cutting it in the next couple of weeks.
You have started laughing this past month too. Mostly at us and our imbacilic provokings. You have also discovered that your voice has pitch, so your sounds, your ghh-yays, and nhoooms, now peak at deafeningly girlish squeals.You still seem like a pretty serious kid, hyper alert and "drinking" in everything you see and hear all day long, but there's an element of you that seems to be relaxing and enjoying things. You are happy to just hang out and play when we are out and about. Halloween is coming up and we're getting pretty excited by the prospects of dressing you up and showing you off on our front porch this year. I haven't measured you in a long time, but looking at how much bigger you are than your monkey (you now only fit in 6-9 or even 12 month clothes!!!) I know you'll be needing a bigger costume than I would have ever imagined.

As we approach the holiday season I can't help but think about your brother, especially when it's all quiet in the house and I have a few moments to myself. It's as if there's a ghost that I catch out of the corner of my eye, but in my mind. I ache thinking that you will never know him. It's still difficult to know how to respond to folks when we are out together and they ask if you are my first. I want to tell them about Burke, about the weight of loss I carry with me, to share my story and his. Sometimes it hurts so much knowing he is gone from our family. Instead, when people ask me that seemingly innocuous question (not knowing that for some lostbabymamas the question is like lava to our ears) I just answer "yes," and move on. A little denial that hurts, yet protects. The rest of the day is filled with a silent "I'msorry,I'msorry,I'msorry..." in my heart. I can't deny them from admiring you, though. You are one cute little guy. I just remember to NEVER ask a mamma that question.

Well, it's just after 3am, so I should get myself to bed. You'll be up sooner than I think, ready to look and learn and laugh your way through another day...

I love you "this" much, Bennett.

Yours,

Mamma.

3 months

Dear Bennett,

You are three months old today. Poppy and you are hanging out while I write this, and I guess I should make it quick because it's past your bedtime. You took a couple decent naps today so chances are you'll still be awake for a little while longer. You keep growing by leaps and bounds. I packed up all of your clothes that don't fit any more and pulled out more stuff that should. It's hard to think that you fit into 6 month outfits right now.


You are starting to chew and gnaw on things that come close to your mouth. You especially love chewing on the edge of the moby while you're wrapped up on me. I have a feeling you are starting to teethe.I haven't measured you yet this month, but I'm sure you've grown even more. You are now MUCH bigger than your monkey.
And you smile a lot more now, too!
You have discovered that there is a lot more to the world than just what you see, and you are beginning to fixate and respond to toys.
You like it when toys make jingly rattle sounds. You have also realized that there are two very large dogs and a cat living with us. I'm not sure what you think of them yet, but I'm sure the feeling is mutual. You are also not afraid to tell us what you are thinking. You continue to "g-hoo and g-hee," and are working on "d-haaay" "eeeee-h" "maaa-heee" and other vowel and consonant oddities.
You have just discovered you have hands this past week as well. I see good times in your future as you figure out how those things work. It's going to be interesting when you realize you have two feet as well!

I still look down at you almost daily in awe. I can spend hours watching you. I wonder what you think about the world you live in right now, and how you will grow and learn. I wonder about the person you will become and what traits we see in you now will carry through your whole life (will you always be that serious and observant? Will your eyes stay blue? What color will you like the most... right now it seems to be red.)

We only have a couple more weeks together, then I go back to work and a good chunk of your day will be spent with a sitter. Poppy will also be taking over a lot of your day-to-day needs. You still can't stand pacifiers or bottles, but hopefully you boys will work things out for yourselves. I'm sad to be giving up all that time every day with you, but I'm also thankful that I got to be there for every minute of these first months. Know that I miss you already.

I love you.

Yours,

Mamma

2 months

Dear Bennett,

You are two months old today. I just put you to sleep, though you know I'll be up there every fifteen minutes to check on you.

You've had quite a lot going on this month! You are finally relaxing your muscles, stretching out both your legs and arms. You like to practice standing of people's laps, especially your Aunt A. You recognize my face and poppy's big bearded one, even from quite a distance. You've also discovered the ceiling fan. I'm surprised you don't get seasick watching it spin! You are getting much more interested in the outside world. I've been wearing you facing out when we go on walks so you can look around, though you think watching the power lines go by is still the most fascinating thing on the planet.



You now weigh 13lbs 9oz, and grew another couple of inches in length over the past four weeks. Some of your 0-3 clothes are getting a little snug, which just slays me! Where is my little baby going??

Your baby blues keep turning a lighter shade of blue, so there's a good chance you've inherited your poppy's eyes. You give us big responsive smiles now, and are even starting to make cohesive sounds (gh-eee is the most popular one this week, haaa-mm was last week). Your cries are also a lot more defined, as are your facial expressions. See this post as an example. We can tell if you're hungry, bored, tired, or just plain cranky.


We still call you the monkey, even as you are growing much bigger than the knitted monkey you have. Sooner than I'd like to believe you'll be holding the monkey in your little hand while yelling "Won't!"

You prefer to be held and loved all day and night long, which is fine with me. Most of the time. I still wonder how your older brother Burke would be reacting to your presence. Whether you would be recognizing his face, beginning to form your own private language the two of you would share. Sometimes when I'm holding you I'm overcome. There are certain looks, certain things that just remind me of Burke, and the sadness and ache takes my breath away.

Then you smile, wiggle, show me your gums, and I can breathe again. I love you.

Yours,

Mamma.